


The Garden Behind Door Number Three

by gwaevalarin



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Family, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-28
Updated: 2013-03-28
Packaged: 2017-12-06 18:45:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/738909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gwaevalarin/pseuds/gwaevalarin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What broke the connection?" - "I don't know. I just know that I have to protect this tablet now." Missing scene for 8x17.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Garden Behind Door Number Three

"He is right about one thing." Suddenly there was another voice, a voice Castiel would recognize anywhere. "Your family does need you."

When Castiel looked around, he found himself in a familiar part of Heaven, tall trees reaching for the sun, a small stream singing softly in the background, and right in front of him, arms crossed and a fond smile on his face, his brother.

"Balthazar." Castiel briefly closed is eyes to enjoy the feel of a warm breeze on his face. This place had always made him feel calm. 

"This is not real," he stated, but there was a hint of a hopeful question in his voice.

Balthazar's reply was somewhere between a low hum and a chuckle. 

"That very much depends on your definition of real."

"What am I doing here?" Castiel asked.

Balthazar opened his arms in an inviting gesture. "I thought we should have a little chat."

"Naomi wants me to kill Dean." The thought suddenly seemed curious more than anything.

"Yes, and while I don't particularly care what happens to Saint Winchester, his death won't exactly help anyone right now. It will only make you feel guilty, and we certainly don't need that."

"I have to stop her."

"Er," Balthazar said vaguely. "Stopping her from controlling you most definitely, yes."

Castiel's piercing gaze was fixed on Balthazar, demanding further explanation. Balthazar ignored it. 

"Point is, I think we all agree that she can't have the tablet. And we certainly can't let her have you."

"So I should give the tablet to Dean?"

"God, no!" Balthazar made a face like someone had just dunked his wings in sulfur. "Winchester can have it even less. Do you really believe that he cares even for a moment about what happens to Heaven? Or you?"

Castiel wanted to protest, but then only shook his head slightly, and gestured for Balthazar to continue.

"He will close the gates faster than you can beat your wings, and that cannot happen. I must admit that it does almost sound like a good idea at times. Peace and rest for both sides, or something like that. But it's not. I know how fond you are of this world. But I also know that Heaven is and always will be your home. Are you prepared to make the choice, and give up one or the other for good?"

Castiel considered pointing out to Balthazar that this wasn't about him and what he was or wasn't prepared to give up.

"Dean is not a bad person," was what he finally settled for. "He will do the right thing."

Balthazar raised an eyebrow. "Do you really believe that?"

Castiel lowered his gaze, unable to meet Balthazar's eyes any longer.

"You are allowed to disagree with your precious charge, you know."

For a few minutes they both were silent, rustling leaves and the constant background hum of the stream the only sounds.

"So what should I do?" Castiel finally asked, looking up at his brother again.

"You're not asking _me_ for orders, are you Cassie?" Balthazar sounded in equal parts amused and almost offended.

"I'm asking for my brother's advice." 

Balthazar nodded. 

"I say, keep the tablet safe. Away from Naomi, away from Dean. You are the one who should have it, because you are the only one who can be trusted with it."

Castiel's eyes widened. "I am the last person who can be trusted with it."

"And why is that?" Balthazar crossed his arms again, and looked at Castiel expectantly.

"Because -" Castiel swallowed before he forced the words out. "Because I destroy everything I touch."

Balthazar shook his head in disbelief. 

"Didn't you help stop the Apocalypse?" he asked.

"Yes, but..."

"And wasn't that you who singlehandedly stopped Raphael himself from restarting it? Or was that some other self-sacrificing fool who won't stop putting others before himself?" A undeniable hint of angry sarcasm had made its way into Balthazar's voice.

"I did. But at what cost?"

Balthazar turned his back to Castiel, his shoulders tense, almost shaking. His entire upper body heaved when he took a deep breath, then another, before he turned back to Castiel.

"Listen to me, Cas," he started, calm again but insistent. "I'm not saying that you didn't fuck up a thing or two. And if we could go back, I'd rather we didn't do everything exactly the same. For instance, I would very much prefer to be still alive."

Castiel could not stop himself from flinching, but Balthazar knew better than to open that particular can of worms any further.

"But you did a lot of good, too," he continued. "You saved the entire damn planet. Twice. Three times. Not to mention Heaven."

"I destroyed Heaven." It was barely a whisper.

"It's still here." Balthazar said. "And you need it as much as it needs you. Because you are the one who cares more than anyone else. And you are the only one willing to make the decisions that need to be made."

"And what if I make the wrong decision? Again."

"You won't." The reply was so powerful in its simplicity, and the conviction with which it was uttered, that Castiel found himself unable to argue.

Balthazar took a step forward, giving them a more intimate space in the middle of the forest's vastness. His voice was soft when he continued.

"Go and make your choice, your own choice, and, if you really still feel you must, use it to redeem yourself. Not to Heaven, or humantiy, or the Winchesers, or God forbid me, but to yourself."

Castiel nodded, still not quite trusting himself but unable to distrust his brother.

"Will I remember any of this?" Castiel made a vague gesture that encompassed the forest, his brother, himself.

Sadness passed through Balthazar's eyes, and he tried to cover it with a short laugh.

"I'm afraid you won't." Balthazar took another step closer, and placed a warm hand on his arm. "But you will remember enough."

*** 

Half an hour later Castiel found himself on a bus to nowhere in particular, the tablet safely in a bag on his lap, and the ghost of a peaceful smile forming on his lips. He could not explain where this feeling came from, a feeling he had never expected to experience again, the warm feeling of a home to return to.


End file.
